from an early age work seemed entirely repulsive and illogical to me – it just seemed to make all the grown ups tired and upset and boring.
try as i might i never could muster up any enthusiasm for the idea of going to work. i considered careers and was good at school but all i really wanted to do was play football. when that became a job, became serious, i gave it up. the seriousness that develops when money enters into the the picture, even a little.... i have always liked working for no money more than working for money....no pressure. so i went to uni. in those days uni still held a modicum of prestige, a hangover from that earlier time before we had traded aristocratic virtues for democratic ones. at any rate it should be obvious where my sympathies lie: the aristocracy were of course of the same mind as regards work as myself. but is that enough to make one an aristocrat, an aversion to work? not quite. in every self-respecting aristocrat there is also a healthy disdain for morality, and its shadow - hypocrisy.
it is simply bad taste to offer up categorical imperatives, no matter how well intentioned we may be...there is, after all, nothing so depressing as good advice. morality is a curse, it is black magic pure and simple, and we spread this curse, unconsciously, in nearly all we do, at home, at school, at work..... hounding us all the way to our early graves, a demon that we have conjured up out of weakness and fear, a demon that feeds on our life force, that renders us impotent and leaves us bitter, defeated. The demon’s name – Thou Shalt!
one cannot defeat demons with swords and arrows, demons are impervious to such assaults,,,in fact they laugh (demoniacally of course) at such futility.... and in so doing they betray their achilles heel: demons are notoriously sensitive to ridicule. a classic case of being able to dish it out but not being able to take it.
time for me to expunge the little bleeder! problem is he's been there such a long time he's become so familiar, my own private secretary. come to think of it, sometimes he seems indistinguishable from my very self!
apparently the joke's on me.
one should always attempt auto-exorcism in the right spirit. though we have been led to believe that exorcisms are nasty and protracted affairs that often result in soiled sheets and contusions, there is a law of physics at work here which we ignore,,,,you see these sorts of exorcisms are usually very vehement affairs, a lot of shouting and getsiculating which elicits forth an equally intense response....if you start moralising at the demon he is going to bite back at your hypocrisy and unless you are a saint or an idiot you will feel the truth of his charge and your high ground will crumble,,,from here you will willingly debase yourself further as a sort of petulant penance, and then take up umbrage with yourself once more, repeating the process ad infinitum....a process which continually reinforces the schizophrenia of the situation: one is either the judge of ones demon, or is being judged by it,,,,and in all cases le juge ment (the judge lies). it is not for us to judge our demon, nor is it our place to be judged by him. these are of course the same process. whether we call ourselves good or whether we think ourselves evil, we are only muddying the waters.
the aim is not to vanquish but rather to reduce and finally integrate one's demon. this demon is only an ego that has developed a god complex. this demon is not morality itself, it is rather the result of a particularised morality upon the psyche – a manichean fracture. the cosmos is implicitly moral – it is the dharma or the tao, or god or whatever you want to call it....it is the recognition of this which underpins all religion and it is religion which ends up obfuscating this very recognition.
because of this religion gave way to science, which is superior to religion in its giving priority to the experimental method. this empiricism when taken to its logical conclusion becomes radical: all phenomena become objective, including oneself.
the problem with scientists is that they are not scientific enough.
the moral of the story: get out of the way.
case study recording 1.
40 years old
owner of many books, some cds and a daihatsu charade
close relationship with parents, dependence issues
gregarious, voluble when drunk, and sometimes when sober, smokes organic tobacco though he cant really afford it - says it protects him from evil spirits. has difficulty asserting himself such that he takes on the lifestyles of those around him as the path of least resistance, which is sometimes a problem for his sensitive constitution. prone to melancholia, self-pity and megalomania. smokes marijuana regularly and suspects it has had an effect on the viability of his sperm. frequently has moments of anxiety due to a feeling of not being where he wants to be, reacts bodily to television, says it disrupts his mind, goes for walks to allay anxious feelings, wears tesla pendant over thymus which he says protects him from radiation, has had two cancers over thymus due to anxiety, which he has treated himself with a herbal salve, both enjoys and is irritated by his friends who regularly visit and stay for days and watch tv and drink, likes spain but is frightened by the lack of wilderness in europe, finds safety and solace in trees, esp old forest and likes to hike there, has also walked across spain on the camino de santiago, which made him rethink what religion could be....apolitical, likes football, played a lot when young and had talent but gave up because he was more interested in going out drinking and dancing....believes in the power of football as a force for good and as a symbol of the nascent global culture, holds fast to the simplicity and truthfulness of the ethics of permaculture: care for the earth, care for the people, share the surplus. thinks pataphysics helps one understand that its not about what is true or not, its about creating as many truths as possible, has tried many jobs and studies without getting anywhere near a stable income, suspects this qualifies him as a potential writer, gardens to maintain sanity and believes in the superior medical efficacy of herbs, thinks psilocybin mushrooms are an excellent tool for getting back in touch with reality, took dmt properly once and felt the earth laugh thru him, after reading castaneda had experience of momentarily falling in a complete void after looking into his own eye in the mirror, subsequently saw his third eye open when he closed his eyes, has had ufo experience that was very organic, like squid underwater, pulsating twinned lightsly orbiting a central star...believes that children are angels and that women know how to live better than men and its just that men don't listen to them, thinks miller was right about america spreading death and destruction, but that miller is american too and he is an antidote for this condition, is english and australian but really neither at heart, both countries are unpleasant for him to consider at the moment, he doesnt like the idea of countries, prefers the idea of local regions being the primary locus, and would divide australia politically along the lines of the aboriginal nations, wants to find a home, feels disenfranchised, dispossessed, a wasted resource, suspects he now knows a little how it feels to be an aboriginal australian,,,considers going backpack style a lot, just camping in the forests and walking around living on the land, thinks this may be possible in nnsw but suspects he is being romantic again,,,,feels nauseated and angered by tv and our country and world of money generally, doesn't want to be part of it at all but is and has to find a way to navigatte without losing self-respect or sense of humour,,finds it difficult regularly but has faith, and he doesn't know for sure but he thinks it germinated with zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance and then flowered with henry miller, loves to dance but doesnt do so enough, enjoys vegetarian food the most but usually eats meat when it is offered to him, drinks coopers and likes white and red wine, but feels best when he is not drinking at all, confounds himself a lot and sometimes he is there, right there, happy, content, filled with a generous, understated mirth at everything,,,,but that's not that common lately and seems more like an act of grace, worries about hair, which he understands is symbolic of freedom and power and therefore no wonder it is thin and falling, hopes to find the courage to do what he has to when he needs to. finds that he is a more gentle and patient lover when he is off the sauce and fags, which is rare, believes that the penis is mightier than the sword and that the second coming refers to gaia – the natural world as holy, god returns to earth not as one man but is diffused throughout all life, including ourselves – evolution's heroic underdogs; can see that the holy spirit's work is exactly the work of evolution and that this presages the evolution of science into gnosis which will be the birth of the noosphere...believes the flower sutra to be the most profound religious text, guesses ockham might well agree.....believes that we are here to garden the earth with a light touch, ... thinks space travel is possible but that spaceships are very crude ways to go about it, thinks we are not just made of stars but are stars, is not sure whether he likes the idea of personal immortality or not, thinks god is mans highest imagination of himself and that god realises himself ever more fully through the agency of man...and that, like bohr’s conception of the particle/wave dual nature of reality, these statements are inseparable and complementary.*
the first treatment has yielded some promising results, interestingly the treatment concluded itself at midnight on the 11th of the 11th. the following day a change is evident, a calmness and greater surety with words, a noticeable decrease in aggression.
*text edited (just a little bit) on 21/12/17